It was exactly a year ago that I met my antenatal friends for the very first time. I remember us all sitting around in a circle at one of the midwives’ homes, our hands resting on our rounded bellies, our partners beside us. Asked to introduce ourselves, my husband – who was first – launched into his life story: how old he was, what he did for a living, how he was feeling about becoming a dad. A few minutes into his ramblings, and clearly seeing he was not going to stop of his own accord, one of the midwives politely and softly interjected: “Erm just tell us your name and due date for now”. Cue laughter and the ice well and truly broken.
You never know what kind of people you are going to meet on these classes and there is a certain amount of pressure to keep in touch and get on. Fortunately, we had a very good bunch indeed and over the past year our friendships have organically grown and developed as we have experienced pretty much every baby and mum related issue you can think of, from discussing what to pack in our hospital bag and our anxiety about giving birth to sharing the details of our labour and the ups and downs of life with a newborn. You name it, we have had a conversation about it: breastfeeding, sleeping, colic, teething, cradle cap and our own changing bodies and hormones.
Our experiences and advice have been invaluable to each other – even if it is getting the reassurance that everything is ‘normal’. After all, you don’t want to bore your friends who don’t have children with your fears about the colour of your child’s poo while those who have older children are usually focused on the next stage of their child’s development and already long forgotten about quirks such as the ‘Moro reflex’ and baby acne. For every stage – whether it be refusing to feed, reflux, inability to sleep, general fussiness – at the time it is THE most important thing in life and it is difficult to see past it BUT give it a couple of days, a week, and there is suddenly something else to occupy your mind.
Most couples go for the NCT antenatal course but I opted for a private course, Teddington Midwives. I liked the fact it was run by two local midwives (the very lovely Wendy and Louise who are also mothers) so it had a personal touch to it. There was also just four sessions to attend and cheaper than the NCT one AND (this was the clincher for my husband) they provided some truly delicious cakes (we are about to tuck into one in the photo above).
The course provided us with good advice and preparation for giving birth. It gave us information about the various drugs available to cope with child birth, explained the labour process, including what to expect if you have to have an emergency caesarian (turns out this proved very helpful for me). It also gave us a bit of an introduction to having a newborn: changing its nappy, feeding and bathing them.
Although they are helpful courses, nothing can ever, truly, prepare you for child birth, anything can happen, and every person will have a different birth experience. There is no point getting obsessed with a ‘birth plan’, be prepared for EVERY eventuality. Looking back now I can laugh at how worried I was about the size of the needle used to give an epidural. I really wanted to have a natural birth but it was not to be. When I was around 32 weeks pregnant I developed Obstetric Cholestasis. It is a rare condition developed in pregnancy (and goes after giving birth), related to the liver in which excess bile acids enter the blood stream. It gives you an unbearable itch. For me it started on the palms of my hands and feet but ended up affecting my whole body. I couldn’t sit down for long periods of time, take hot showers and I would dread attempting to go to sleep at night. I barely slept the last two weeks of my pregnancy. At the same time my husband, Cal, was diagnosed with the blood cancer Lymphoma so I expect that also contributed to my insomnia.
At 37 weeks I had to be induced (they believe the bile acids can start to affect the baby in the latter stages of pregnancy) and I ended up in hospital for four days, eventually having an emergency caesarian. But you know what, although tough at the time, that was such a small part of having a baby. The joy and love it brings far outweighs the birth experience. They really do change your outlook on life – in a good way.
Antenatal courses definitely serve a purpose but their lasting legacy is the friends you make, people who are going through exactly the same experience as you at more or less exactly the same time.
I feel so lucky to have acquired seven wonderful, inspiring, like-minded female friends living in the local area who have not just helped each other through tough times with our babies, they have also been a terrific support network for other issues we have faced in our lives. They were great to have around when Cal was diagnosed with lymphoma and his subsequent rehabilitation.
As for Mrs T, she has seven gorgeous little friends to play with and we get to see each other’s children grow and develop. Our partners also have other fathers, who live nearby, they can talk to about ‘Dad stuff’.
Now our children are coming up to a year old, some of us are returning to work, some are moving away but we still try and meet up every week and support each mum through their individual ventures – whatever they may be. For instance, one has set up her own pilates business, nhpilates, specialising in pregnancy and post-natal pilates (so if you live in the Twickenham/Hampton area, she is the lady for you). Another, has her own website – Beautiful Nursery – selling lovely children’s gifts and clothes. So, if you are pregnant and haven’t yet booked on an antenatal course I recommend you do. They may be a bit pricey when you are already forking out for various bits of baby equipment but they ARE worth it.
As I come to the end of the first year of motherhood, I am getting a bit nostalgic – looking back at the final stages of my pregnancy and early motherhood. Lots of my friends are going through it all now and I am super excited for them. In the coming weeks I will be blogging about some helpful tips to cope with pregnancy, birth and baby as well as sharing my own stories and keeping you inspired on getting out and about and all things travel related.
Ah, I really enjoyed reading this (brought a little tear to my eye!!). Seems like we have been through so much in the last year and you have captured it all so well on this recent blog. Could not have shared all the ups and downs (fun and games) with a better bunch of girls. We are very lucky to have met you all :))